Application: khotis sepath

1) Character name, first and last.
Khotis sepath

2) Character race.
Stygian

3) Character age.
31

4) Clan you intend for your character to join
the clan 'war'

5) Character description.
khotis is a tall, strong built man, with shoulder length dark hair and several battle scars located arround his face and arms. his body is build with muscle but still lean and agile. his body reflects his speed and agility. his eyes are like clouds of mist, never revealing inormation which he doesnt want you to know, his arms are strong and quick moving, carved in such a way they themselves resemble a bow. wearing light leather armour, allowing him the required movement, he jumps and twirls in a dance of death, to all who oppose him.
being a self trained ranger for over 24 years, khotis is a master of ranged combat, stealth, diversionry. holds all the characteristics of a man forced into hard times, strong, agile, resourceful and with strong leadership skills.

6) Character background.
The name sepath, is a name that can be traced back through many generations of stygian times, when the sands were still blowing clean and the great monuments seen today were just an idea in some childs mind.
the name traces back to a man who was well off in his prime, but soon bullyd into poverty and forced to fight and sometimes kill for the food he ate and the quiver on his back. also a keen marksman, the former sepath was a good man turned better, as soon in his mind he rose above all, and started a clan which he named 'the all seeing eyes', and this clan left the city, and created their own, growing quickly larger over the years, until they overthrown their previous city and called it their own. but soon after sepaths death the city was overrun and destroyed.

7) Your characters reason to want to join
khotis, as was the former sepath's, is pushed onto harsh times and he can no longer live sufficiently on his own. so he must find reuge at a strong guild to keep himsel alive and have the chance to make a difference in the world. khotis is more than willing to fight for his refuge, if war grows upon it, with his fierce skills with a bow and his stealthy pressence can prove ever useful in assataining information and warplans.

I'm going to approve this, I'm concerned with your character description as you seem to have very power character but it borders on the line of what we allow. Also concerned about the way you concern the characters eyes as that doesn't seem very realistic to me. Hopefully it turns out my worries has no ground, welcome about, we'll wait to see if the Dorini of War wants you.

I believe that when he says that his characters eyes are like clouds of mist not revealing anything, i dont beleive he means literally, but rather metaphorically, reflecting the emotionless character and how the clouds block out the sun, his eyes do not give hint to how he feels. I do however think its rather unacceptable to relate your characters heritage to the early ages of Egypt when Egypt doesnt exist in Hyboria, the realm of Stygia is based, culturally and religiously on Egypt but isnt called Egypt...I also think its strange how you repeat the sentence "The name sepath, is a name that can be traced back to the beginning of ancient egypt, when the sands were still blowing clean and the pyromids were just an idea in some childs mind." - Like it is a quote you have found somewhere, though maybe im reading into this too much and its not like its even my place to judge, just my opinion, I think the Story needs some re-reading and changing in some palces to fit in with the Lore, otherwise seems in order.

Just my two (or maybe twenty) cents.

yes i realise now that ive become to used to knowing stygia as egypt and i apologise for that, and the reason it looked like id copied part of it was because when i wrote "The name sepath, is a name that can be traced back..." I originally wrote it in the wrong section so copied and pasted it into the right one and simply forgot to delete the first. hope this misteak doesnt affect my chances of becoming a member of the war clan.

Khotis sepath wrote:

yes i realise now that ive become to used to knowing stygia as egypt and i apologise for that, and the reason it looked like id copied part of it was because when i wrote "The name sepath, is a name that can be traced back..." I originally wrote it in the wrong section so copied and pasted it into the right one and simply forgot to delete the first. hope this misteak doesnt affect my chances of becoming a member of the war clan.

Heh, an understandable mistake, im sure it wont hinder you at all, maybe edit the Original Post with the update though, otherwise best of luck.

I know there are pyramids in the deserts east of stygia, don't know hold old they are though.

War is very happy to have you.

I think other than the mistakes already pointed out good application.

More flesh for the herd! I say welcome.