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 Application Androcles, Aristedes

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Androcles
Theroshan
Theroshan
Androcles

Posts : 5
Join date : 2008-05-08
Age : 31

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PostSubject: Application Androcles, Aristedes   Application Androcles, Aristedes Icon_minitimeThu May 08, 2008 1:31 pm

Name: Androcles, Aristedes
Race:Aquilonian
Age:25
Clan: Balance

Character Description: 56 because he stunted his growth from training, dark hair, strong build, greeny blue eyes, tanned skin, scar on top of is right eye brow, and some slight burn marks on his hand and leg from when he was training

Character Background:
He was kidnapped by a slave trader when he was a kid and brought up as a slave and when he finally escaped he was taken in by a dark sorcerer. After many years of hard training, learning new magic and dark secrets, the apprentice surpassed the master. Thinking the master was holding him back, keeping secrets and hidden abilities. Androcles challenged him and a battle ensued. After hours of blood and pain the head of the master rolled on the floor. But he still wanted more, and then he began his quest for more power. After years of searching for power killing women, children, anything that stands in his way. After slaughtering a small village killing everyone around but a small child. Alone in the darkness. That reminded him of his past, feeling pity for him he took the small child in to his care not wanting the same life as he had. He now feels regret and wants to balance it out.

Reason to join: Regretting his past life, he now wants a place to balance his old life out and take care of the small child.
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Sedrian
Theroshan
Theroshan
Sedrian

Posts : 80
Join date : 2008-04-13
Age : 31
Location : England

Character sheet
Name: Sedrian Araveromon
Race: Nemedian
Clan: Balance

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PostSubject: Re: Application Androcles, Aristedes   Application Androcles, Aristedes Icon_minitimeThu May 08, 2008 1:34 pm

The character background was lacking flow, it didnt seem like each sentence had any relevance to the previous one, and i think weve had a fair share of people now who "kill everything, men, women and children" and i personally find it a bit dull after so many applications, however Roleplay isnt about writing stories and lets hope you have more to give come launch.
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Rashad
Dathanar
Dathanar
Rashad

Posts : 738
Join date : 2007-12-28
Age : 31

Character sheet
Name: Rashad Mahdi
Race: Stygian
Clan: Balance

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PostSubject: Re: Application Androcles, Aristedes   Application Androcles, Aristedes Icon_minitimeThu May 08, 2008 1:41 pm

I find it difficult to think that anyone would surpass their master at 25 years of age, especially a magician as a mage usually only becomes more powerful with age.
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Androcles
Theroshan
Theroshan
Androcles

Posts : 5
Join date : 2008-05-08
Age : 31

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PostSubject: Re: Application Androcles, Aristedes   Application Androcles, Aristedes Icon_minitimeThu May 08, 2008 2:04 pm

(Updated vertion)
Name: Androcles, Aristedes
Race:Aquilonian
Age:25
Clan: Balance

Character Description: 56 because he stunted his growth from training, dark hair, strong build,6pack, greeny blue eyes, tanned skin, scar on top of is right eye brow, and some slight burn marks on his hand and leg from when he was training

Character Background:
He was kidnapped by a slave trader when he was a kid and brought up as a slave and when he finally escaped he was taken in by a dark sorcerer. After many years of hard training with sword/shield combat and spells training day and night((intended to be a Dark Templar)), learning new magic and dark secrets sword\shield skills, the apprentice thinking surpassed the master. Thinking the master was holding him back, keeping secrets and hidden abilities. Androcles challenged him and a battle ensued. The battle was not even a close one Androcles took a few blows towards his master which were in vain his master then parried back with a sharp blast above his eye level covering his face in blood he fell to the floor and coward. His master seeing the same small child as he did all those years ago left him there to die. It was his same lust for power that caused him to challenge his master that kept him alive in the end, he realised it was not his time to quit. Then he began his quest for more power. After years of searching for power killing women, children, anything that stands in his way. After slaughtering a small village killing everyone around but a small child. Alone in the darkness. That reminded him of his past, feeling pity for him he took the small child in to his care not wanting the same life as he had. He now feels regret and wants to balance it out.

Reason to join: Regretting his past life, he now wants a place to balance his old life out and take care of the small child.
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Androcles
Theroshan
Theroshan
Androcles

Posts : 5
Join date : 2008-05-08
Age : 31

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PostSubject: Re: Application Androcles, Aristedes   Application Androcles, Aristedes Icon_minitimeThu May 08, 2008 2:43 pm

i would prefer my first story but i should have explaind it better thast i was a dark templear. but if the new story is preferd then i don't mind.
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Alberich
Theroshan
Theroshan
Alberich

Posts : 207
Join date : 2008-04-21
Age : 28
Location : Kent, England

Character sheet
Name: Alberich
Race: Aesir
Clan: Nature

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PostSubject: Re: Application Androcles, Aristedes   Application Androcles, Aristedes Icon_minitimeThu May 08, 2008 3:52 pm

Typically, magicians in the Hyborian world are very old, literally centries and some even being an adept for "numberless eons" (See the Conan Story "The People of the Black Circle"). I agree with Rashad, I can't see anyone aged 25 beating a master magician, only perhaps if they were in a black lotus dream or drained of energy after extensive use of their powers. I'm glad you changed it Very Happy .

Anyways...

Again I find myself agreeing with others (this time its Sedrian Smile ) as you fill your background with:

Quote :
...years of searching for power killing women, children, anything that stands in his way. After slaughtering a small village killing everyone around but a small child.
I admit that if you wrote your background in great detail then it would be reems of pages long, even at 25 years of age, but you could use other fillers to make up the time between important events such as joining a nation's millitary force, training under a "master" (you already used this one Wink ) or mercenary work. They are simple and easily explained in the Hyborian Age. Killing rampages are highly unlikely, as people would unite to take you down or a stronger warrior, magician etc would slay you eventually.

So, other than the background section, nice application and good luck! Very Happy
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Androcles
Theroshan
Theroshan
Androcles

Posts : 5
Join date : 2008-05-08
Age : 31

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PostSubject: Re: Application Androcles, Aristedes   Application Androcles, Aristedes Icon_minitimeThu May 08, 2008 6:47 pm

i feel that killing people is a crusal part of his histrory he has only killed random people in his way and a small village that was powerless against him. if he dosent kill he has no reson 2 regret and will not see the child to take into his care. also he is after power and in the eyes of evil killing brings power. this is why i feel Androcles needs to kill. thanks
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Anari
Theroshan
Theroshan
Anari

Posts : 133
Join date : 2008-01-09
Location : England

Character sheet
Name: Haseo
Race: Stygian
Clan: Damak

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PostSubject: Re: Application Androcles, Aristedes   Application Androcles, Aristedes Icon_minitimeThu May 08, 2008 6:59 pm

I like your charater and Background, I agree that Killing a whole village is a little much, but i think killing everyone and everything thats in your way is good. i preffer your second draft much more than to the first, i can see your charater being roleplayed well in the game; he has a Lust for power but he is also flawed, and has a weakness for the child, as he sees himself in him. i also like the bit (in the second draft) were he challenges his master, and is over confident with his powers and thinks he is better than he actually is, ans Subquently (to quote something a Gamer would say) Gets Pwned!

Hope everything goes well for you, and rashad allows you in. Good luck

Haseo Out
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Varon kaldeer
Balah
Balah
Varon kaldeer

Posts : 144
Join date : 2008-01-01
Age : 29
Location : England

Character sheet
Name: Dorini Varon Kaldeer of War
Race: Cimmerian
Clan: Balance

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PostSubject: Re: Application Androcles, Aristedes   Application Androcles, Aristedes Icon_minitimeThu May 08, 2008 7:17 pm

I see what your trying to say. It may not be the best writing ever but it sound like you have ideas on how to make this character work. I would be happy to have you in the guild and my clan.
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Rashad
Dathanar
Dathanar
Rashad

Posts : 738
Join date : 2007-12-28
Age : 31

Character sheet
Name: Rashad Mahdi
Race: Stygian
Clan: Balance

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PostSubject: Re: Application Androcles, Aristedes   Application Androcles, Aristedes Icon_minitimeThu May 08, 2008 7:58 pm

I can accept this as I interprit killing anyone in his way as just that, killing whomever was in the way of him gaining more power, such as someone who had better equipment, or held some spell scrolls or what not. I can also understand a psychological mindset where taking a life would make you feel that you are stronger, many serial killers throughout history has been giving this as a motive to their madness.

I accept the second version that is.
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Androcles
Theroshan
Theroshan
Androcles

Posts : 5
Join date : 2008-05-08
Age : 31

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PostSubject: Re: Application Androcles, Aristedes   Application Androcles, Aristedes Icon_minitimeThu May 08, 2008 8:44 pm

thanks i hope i will be usefull in this guild
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Khalid
Dorini of Damak
Dorini of Damak
Khalid

Posts : 163
Join date : 2007-12-28
Age : 36

Character sheet
Name: Khalid Osahar
Race: Stygian
Clan: Damak

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PostSubject: Re: Application Androcles, Aristedes   Application Androcles, Aristedes Icon_minitimeThu May 08, 2008 11:08 pm

welcome aboard mate Smile
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