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 Josh Missherd

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Saze
Theroshan
Theroshan
Saze

Posts : 16
Join date : 2008-05-06

Character sheet
Name: Saze
Race: Cimmerian
Clan: Balance

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PostSubject: Josh Missherd   Josh Missherd Icon_minitimeWed May 07, 2008 4:30 pm

Name : Josh Missherd
Race : Cimmerian
Age : 19
Clan : Balance

Description : Josh is a tall male of 6ft , very strong build powerful , brown hazel eyes , short brown messy hair that covers most of his ears, quite a tanned skin tone, fights with a bow but also carrys a short dagger just incase the bow donít do the job, scars along the left side of his face showing that his up bringing hasnt been a very plesant one that his life has evolved around danger and killing is all he knows best,Josh is very quick on his feet sharp reflexes always ready to battle and defend his fellow friends.

Background : Grow up in a rough village were fighting was the main priority, until the village was under attack by the Bandit tribe all they seek is killing and deaths taking young children to create vicious killing machines brainwash there minds into thinking all that matters is war and Josh was not captured and escape he had to take care of himself from then, Josh started to improve his skills as a ranger to get back at the tribe and wanted to take after his father which was a famous ranger in the village. Unable to prove too his father his worth Josh now seeks his fortunes elsewhere. Though Josh does not talk much after the attack on his village he still shows no mercy when it comes to battle, Not one for the flash moves or show-boasting preferring the fast, silent kill.

7) Your characters reason to want to join
Josh seeks his fame and fortune looking to become the citys hero, Some would say Josh's goals are somewhat vain though his skill with a bow and agility cannot be questioned. When your bein attacked by Josh you are the hunted
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Rashad
Dathanar
Dathanar
Rashad

Posts : 738
Join date : 2007-12-28
Age : 31

Character sheet
Name: Rashad Mahdi
Race: Stygian
Clan: Balance

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PostSubject: Re: Josh Missherd   Josh Missherd Icon_minitimeWed May 07, 2008 5:56 pm

I'm not satisfied with the characters reason to join, the background is alittle unrealistic but plausible, still. I'd like some more reason than becomming the hero of the city Kathia to join as that's not really something we'd take you in for as the New Dawn strives for equality among it's members.
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Daroose
Theroshan
Theroshan
Daroose

Posts : 247
Join date : 2008-01-07

Character sheet
Name: Daroose
Race: Aquilonian
Clan: Secrets

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PostSubject: Re: Josh Missherd   Josh Missherd Icon_minitimeWed May 07, 2008 6:04 pm

yeah i agree that the reason to join is alittle weak. Also the name is quite modern.
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Lapis
Dorini of Lore
Dorini of Lore
Lapis

Posts : 195
Join date : 2008-04-06
Age : 50
Location : Sweden

Character sheet
Name: Lapis Nithotep
Race: Stygian
Clan: Lore

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PostSubject: Re: Josh Missherd   Josh Missherd Icon_minitimeWed May 07, 2008 6:18 pm

I would prefer the background to be in more correct written form. Since I am not a native speaker I have problems with badly written english.

It is also obvious that since I am a non-native speaker I don't see my own numerous mistakes - otherwise I would have corrected them ;-)
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Varon kaldeer
Balah
Balah
Varon kaldeer

Posts : 144
Join date : 2008-01-01
Age : 29
Location : England

Character sheet
Name: Dorini Varon Kaldeer of War
Race: Cimmerian
Clan: Balance

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PostSubject: Re: Josh Missherd   Josh Missherd Icon_minitimeWed May 07, 2008 10:27 pm

Other than what has been said i dont see a major problem...if you do fix the small bits Balance would be happy to have you....
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Alberich
Theroshan
Theroshan
Alberich

Posts : 207
Join date : 2008-04-21
Age : 28
Location : Kent, England

Character sheet
Name: Alberich
Race: Aesir
Clan: Nature

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PostSubject: Re: Josh Missherd   Josh Missherd Icon_minitimeThu May 08, 2008 3:21 pm

I agree with the above.

- Change your name.
This thread on the AoC forums has some naming links that could be useful for a Cimmerian:
http://www.conan.ch/conanonline/lore_names.htm

- Change your characters reason to want to join.
Your characters background betrays the reason he wants to join. You mention that:

Quote :
Though Josh does not talk much after the attack on his village he still shows no mercy when it comes to battle, Not one for the flash moves or show-boasting preferring the fast, silent kill.
"Josh" doesn't really seem a very outgoing or charismatic. More of a dark, ruthless character that cares little about what others think of him. However you mention in his reason to join that:

Quote :
Josh seeks his fame and fortune looking to become the citys hero
This doesn't really fit. Perhaps the fortune-seeking but a person as blunt and merciless would find it hard, as well as probably not caring about, seeking heroism. Besides, as Rashad said, the New Dawn strives for equality among it's members.

- Write your Application in a more correct written form.
Try writing it in Microsoft Word first. At least some incorrect grammar fragments might be picked up. Your spelling is ok though.

Other than those things, your set. Very Happy
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